the other day i just went fr a drive... n while i ws enjoyin the night air (although as 1 of my freinds pointed out ...... in a metropolis there's no such thing as fresh air) i got a sense of deja vu in the night air. the air had a wonderful warm woody sort of fragrance. i call it the tree scent(they seem to breathe....) .... some how every smell and every fragrance seems to intensify during the night. anyways..... that got me thinkin... about all the things i used to know, used to like, that i now miss.... and are harder to come by nowadays. basically it got me thinkin about my childhood.

not all is gone though... i can still fell the approaching winter by the essence that changes from being woody to something with a hint of smokiness..... i think it has to do with the winter vacations that i spent in my hometown..( when it wasn't that much of a town.. and thats the beauty of it!) and if you were brave enough to get up at 6-7ish in the morning....... there would be a dense fog all around with the smell of wood burning in the angithis and choolhas, that was so strong that sometimes it felt like you could reach out, grab a bit of fog and taste it!!! (and it would have tasted incredible i bet!!). the neem tree with the swing is still there.. ( i know its all cliched... but god!!! i lived it!!!)

and so i started making a list of all of these things, put me in a rather nostalgic but happy state of mind!!the sound of my garndmother churning butter at 5 am in the morning!!!.... the food that used to be cooked on those clay choolhas was the best tasting food i have ever tasted in my life and now i only get to dream about it. and after we had the food we used to run down to the corner shop and get comics for hire!!! pretty decent rates too... 2 comics for a rupee.... for a day!!!! remember chacha choudhry, billu pinki.... and for the more knowledgeable people... nagraj and super commando dhruv and Doga....

i've had a pretty eventful childhood... as good as anyone can boast of!!! i was your normal insecure kid in school with inferiority issues.... and the loud, bullying kind among my group of friends at the same time.... i have ventured on witch hunts with my friends, climbed up and down a 'pipe' on the side of a building!!! (did it on a bet.... but kicked ass totally!!!), have made my bro cut up an earthworm in half!!!!its hard to even find an earthworm these days!!! and i have experimented..... had a moral epiphany once and decided that i will tell the truth from then on no matter what!!! later when i pushed my little bro down 3 steps(out of sibling rivalry mind u!..)..... i told the truth to my mother.... and was duly rewarded with a couple of nice ones there and then!!! good thing i learn from my mistakes.... i have stopped making such stupid, naive promises to myself since..

i wasn't scared of anything... or anyone..... its when i grew up that everything messed up. i know i still have that spirit in me somewhere...... i have just lost the courage that goes with it!!! one of my friends told me once that you should mature not grow up!!! easy to say!! life sort of does that to you... what i want is .... to hold on to these precious nothings..and not be afraid to experience new ones... i have a feeling that i may be missing out on them. when i used to look in the mirror.... i used to see me..... now it just leaves me wondering and perplexed. i honestly don't know what i am looking at!! hope i find myself again one day and like what i see......